Prostitution, often referred to as the world’s oldest profession, is considered a sin by many religions. However, quite a few countries have decriminalized prostitution to provide sex workers with a safer and healthier environment so that they live with less social exclusion and stigma.1
The Bible teaches that prostitution is an immoral act, hence a sin (Leviticus 19:29; Proverbs 5:3-5, 23:27-28; Romans 6:13; 1 Corinthians 6:13-15). But the Bible also teaches that prostitutes can go to heaven if they repent of their sins (Joshua 2:1, 6:17-25; Matthew 21:31; Luke 7:36-50; Hebrews 11:31; James 2:25).
Prostitution, by definition, is “…the practice of engaging in relatively indiscriminate sexual activity, in general with someone who is not a spouse or a friend, in exchange for immediate payment in money or other valuables. Prostitutes may be female or male or transgender, and prostitution may entail heterosexual or homosexual activity, but historically most prostitutes have been women and most clients men.”2
The scope of prostitution is often limited to brothels, sex workers, and their clients. But Christian marriages are often plagued by a form of prostitution.
Here’s an instance of prostitution found in Christian marriages. This is illustrated by Rick Thomas in his podcast, “Case Study: The Christian Prostitute”:3 (Emphasis Mine)
Mrs. Johnson has been married for 27 years, most of which was one series after another of miscommunication. She says her husband seems to have one thing in his mind and the only time he is consistently helpful is when he wants to be intimate. She did admit that she uses sex as a manipulative tool when she wants something from him.
When her husband does not receive the intimacy he wants, he pouts at best and gets angry at worst. Mrs. Johnson said she and the kids walk on egg shells when he comes home, not knowing his mood for the day.
Sometimes she yields to his demands but finds no pleasure being with him intimately. It’s the only way she knows to make him civil. It’s an endless cycle of pouting, anger, sex, pleasantness, pouting, anger, sex, ad nausea.
“I know I’m part of the problem, but it all can’t be my fault. I would love to be intimate with him and enjoy it, but right now I do not see the light at the end of this hopeless tunnel. I feel like a prostitute.”
Prostitution involves sexual activity in exchange for money or other valuables. Similarly, sex, if used as a manipulative tool within a Christian marriage, is a form of prostitution. Sex, in this instance, is offered in exchange for something or the other – tangible or intangible, it does not matter.
If Christian couples recognize this sin in their marriage and work towards restoring their marriage, their home would be a happy Christian home. Significantly, Christ would be glorified in and through their marriage.
Here’s one way to restore a Christian marriage that’s plagued by prostitution. Christian ministry, Focus on the Family, teaches that Christian wives should realize that sex is the greatest gift they can offer their husbands:4 (Emphasis Mine)
You can spend so much time fretting about and avoiding sex that you miss the obvious. While acknowledging that sex is a huge force in your husband's life, don't neglect the fact that God created that force for your use as well. In fact, you should become jealous and possessive of the power inherent in your husband's sexuality. It was intended for you!
…Just as twisted women are able to pull men into sin, virtuous women can use the influence of sex to call men to morality, love, and godliness.
Like many wives, you may be desperate to work on your marriage. You may long for your husband to read relationship books with you or attend marriage seminars (and actually take notes). If you really want his attention, work with the way God designed him. A great sex life won't solve the problems in your marriage; however, it will fortify your husband's desire and commitment to work toward intimacy. Your sexual relationship may be the "on-ramp" to communication, conflict resolution, and building the emotional intimacy you are longing for.
Like any married couple, Mike and I have our disagreements. In fact, we even have a full-out argument every now and then. He retreats to his corner, and I retreat to mine. Each wonders when the other will extend the olive branch with a hug, an apology, or a kind word. During these tense times in our marriage, I pay more attention than ever to how I look. I'm conscious to put on makeup and wear something relatively attractive. Why? Because I desperately need my husband's attention. I want him to desire emotional and physical connection with me. It's a potent force for encouraging reconciliation.
No amount of nagging, pleading, talking, or counseling can grab your husband's attention the way his sexual desire for you can. Just look at advertising. No approach is used more frequently or more successfully than sex appeal. Why aren't you using it in your marriage? As a good friend of mine says, "If you want to improve your marriage, invest in your underwear."
Look at it this way: How is your husband likely to respond to these two statements—"Honey, I really think we need to talk about our marriage. I feel like we are drifting apart." Versus . . . "Babe, I want to work on our sexual relationship. I want to know how to please you and how to make our sex life awesome."
Which book do you think your husband would be more interested in reading: The Seven Keys to a Great Marriage or Red-Hot Monogamy?
Please understand — I am not suggesting that you use sexuality to manipulate your husband! Withholding sex when you don't get your way or lavishing him with it when you do is manipulation. I am suggesting that you embrace this fact: There are many forces in your husband's environment that use sex to garner his attention. They are stealing the power that God intended for you. Instead of sitting passively by, claim it.
Satan consistently twists into evil what God designed for good. By God's good design, a man's sex drive is strong. If it is harnessed and intensified within marriage, it can be an incredible force fastening a man's affections and passions to his wife. I believe that it is right and godly to claim your husband's sexual desire as a potent source of influence in your marriage. This power was intended for you and for no one else. Unfortunately, if you don't claim it, someone or something else will.
"Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God" (Exodus 34:14). Notice that in this verse, God tells the Israelites that His name is "Jealous." We often think about jealousy as a bad quality, so why would God define Himself as jealous? The obvious answer is that there are some things that we should be jealous about. God's jealousy for the hearts of His people is holy and righteous. They belong to Him and were created for His pleasure.
The same applies to your sexual relationship with your husband. You should be jealous of your husband's sexuality! It was designed for your pleasure and intimacy. The power of his sexuality was also designed for your influence in his life. Through his sexuality, you have a powerful place in your husband's life that should belong to only you. It sets apart your relationship as distinctive from every other person in his life. No one can share with him as you can. Instead of lamenting the compelling sexual appeal of pornography and co-workers in your husband's life, focus your energy on reclaiming the influence that is rightly yours.
It's Your Gift. Unwrap It!
As you digest this information, you may feel defeated by your perceived inability to meet your husband's sexual needs. Perhaps emotional or physical limitations convince you that the gift in this series is impossible for you to unwrap. No, you cannot compete with the raw sensuality dangled at men in our culture. You have neither the energy nor the physical attributes to look like a cover girl or a Playboy centerfold. Yet what you do have to offer your husband is far more profound.
Fulfilling your husband sexually encompasses so much more than the physical act. It means inviting his sexuality into your marriage, embracing all that he is, hopes, and desires. It includes wanting to fully understand him and welcoming the sexual appetite that expresses his masculinity. It involves striving with him through weakness and temptation and covering his fears and failures. No magazine, no coworker, no porn site can be this teammate and confidante for your husband. This is your place; this is your power; this is your gift. Unwrap it.
Endnotes:
1https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Decriminalizing_sex_work#Decriminalization
2https://www.britannica.com/topic/prostitution
3https://rickthomas.net/the-case-of-the-christian-prostitute/
4https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/sex-and-intimacy/understanding-your-husbands-sexual-needs/your-husbands-sex-drive-is-gods-gift-to-you
Websites last accessed on 16th October 2018.
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