What’s
wrong if a Christian marries a non-christian? If they marry, would their marriage
be disastrous or would their children hate Christianity?
A
foundational verse quoted in this context is “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers…” (2 Corinthians 6: 14).
A common faith in Christ is at the heart of a Christian marriage, they say.
This is the
backdrop. Conventional Christian teaching mandates Christians to NOT MARRY
non-christians. If a Christian marries a non-christian, by implication, their
marriage would be sinful and disastrous [1].
This is the
puzzle. Should a marriage between a Christian man & woman entail a healthy
marriage?
No! A
marriage between a Christian man and a woman need not necessarily entail a
healthy marriage.
Why?
Scores of non-christian
marriages are healthy and successful. If non-christian marriages are
successful, the condition that Christians ought to marry Christians could be
discarded.
The reality
of many healthy, successful and strong non-christian marriages should remind
Christians that the nametag “Christianity” does not unconsciously render a
Christian marriage healthy.
Committed religious
belief, not necessarily Christianity, enables strong and successful marriages.
But, atheists,
who deny God, also enjoy healthy marriages. So it is reasonable to conclude
that committed irreligiosity does enable healthy marriages.
Examine
this situation from the perspective of divorce in Christian marriages. Scores
of divorces and separations in Christian marriages testify that a Christian
marriage could be disastrous.
There are make-believe
Christian marriages (that pretend as successful marriages). The husband and wife
may not love each other but would merely be married for the sake of being
married or may not talk to each other inside their homes. They may not share the
same bed or could lead separate lives inside their home all the while posturing
perfection in their marriage.
Au
contraire, Christians have married non-christians from time immemorial. Many
such marriages are successful and healthy. Healthy marriages between Christians
and non-christians serve as a testimony to the fact that a marriage between a
Christian and a non-christian need not be disastrous.
Therefore,
isn’t a teaching that two Christians ought to marry for a healthy marriage an
unacceptable teaching that is incoherent with the existential reality?
We are not
done! Observe this situation from another perspective.
Very few
Christians read their Bible daily. A recent study in America confirms that only
9% of Americans read their Bible daily [2]. This could very well be a fact in
other countries as well.
So if two
Christians, who have not read their Bible or who do not love the Lord, get
married, what are the chances that their marriage would be successful? Unless a
conversion occurs during the marriage, their marriage should not survive
according to the conventional Christian teaching.
But if
their marriage is successful, it is not because of their religiosity. There
never was any religiosity in them. Their marital success could be for the same
reasons as to why marriages between atheists are successful!
The problem
would compound if one Christian partner loves the Lord dearly but the other Christian
spouse is lukewarm or cold towards Christ. This is another favorable situation
for potential marriage problems.
Based on
the existential realities of non-christian (atheists included) and even certain
Christian marriages, a conclusion that a marriage between two Christians need
not necessarily entail a healthy and successful marriage is valid.
Therefore,
the conventional Christian teaching that a Christian should marry another
Christian for a healthy marriage could be rendered null and void.
What if a
sincere Christian who longs to get married cannot locate a Christian partner?
What if this Christian is attracted to an opposite-sex-non-christian with admirable
qualities worthy of a perfect fit as his/her soulmate?
What would
be a sound biblical advice to this Christian? Would you advise him/her to marry
the non-christian he /she is attracted to?
“Focus on
the Family,” an acclaimed Christian ministry that strives to strengthen a
Christian marriage, qualify their teaching that a marriage between two
Christians is more likely to be healthy through these words, “Many people who seriously practice a traditional religious faith – be it Christian
or other – have a divorce rate markedly lower than the general population. The factor making the most difference is
religious commitment and practice…Couples
who regularly practice any combination of serious religious behaviors and
attitudes…enjoy significantly lower
divorce rates than mere church members, the general public and unbelievers…
…Saying you believe something or merely belonging to a church,
unsurprisingly, does little for marriage. But the more you are involved in
the actual practice of your faith in real ways – through submitting yourself to
a serious body of believers, learning regularly from scripture, being in
communion with God though prayer individually and with your spouse and
children, and having friends and family around us who challenge us to take our
marriage’s seriously – the greater difference this makes in strengthening both
the quality and longevity of our marriages. Faith does matter and the leading
sociologists of family and religion tell us so”[3] (Emphasis Mine).
Therefore,
a mere marriage between two Christians is surely not a recipe for a successful
marriage.
A Christian
married to a non-christian could enjoy a healthy marriage from a worldly sense,
but certainly not from a spiritual sense. When a Christian marries a
non-christian, it is the Christian who would love the Lord. The non-christian spouse
would not love the Lord Jesus. Hence this marriage could be easily damaged or broken
by the Satan (cf. Ecclesiastes 4: 12).
A Christian
marriage ought not to achieve the ordinary worldly success other marriages
achieve; it ought to achieve greater spiritual success.
Greater
spiritual success in a Christian marriage gains precedence because Satan is active
against a Christian marriage. The greater spiritual success for a Christian
marriage is to individually and collectively grow in the Lord so to survive
storms – small and large, and significantly lead the children to continuously
love the Lord. Such a Christian marriage will glorify God.
To achieve
greater spiritual success, the Christian family should love the Lord Jesus
through the assimilation of HIS Word, love and submission to their spouse as
Christ loved the church and as the church submits to Christ, and communion with
fellow Christians. This is a surefire recipe for a greater spiritual success in
a Christian marriage.
There is greater
power in a Christian marriage when both the husband and the wife love the Lord
dearly, thus obey and glorify God through the ups and downs of the marriage. When
they love the Lord dearly and are in constant communion with Christ, their
marriage would be unbreakable.
Finally,
the disclaimer.
This post
is not to encourage Christians to marry non-Christians. It is wise to err on
the side of caution than not.
So a Christ-loving
Christian ought to marry another Christ-loving Christian to achieve the greater
spiritual success.
Endnotes:
[1] Every born-again Christian is a
sinner. But he/she has been saved by the grace of God through faith in Christ.
So a Christian married to a non-christian, although is a practicing sinner, will
gain eternal life.
[2]http://www.raac.iupui.edu/files/2713/9413/8354/Bible_in_American_Life_Report_March_6_2014.pdf
[3] http://www.focusonthefamily.com/about_us/focus-findings/marriage/divorce-rate-in-the-church-as-high-as-the-world.aspx
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