We are absolutely
wrong, if we still consider the groom’s family as the draconian entity demanding
dowry from the bride’s. In a shocking turn of events, girls (Christians
included) are demanding property, jewels, cash and automobiles for their
marriage (dowry) from their parents.1
Why do girls demand dowry from their parents? Have we lost the battle to abolish
dowry? Alternatively, do we need to rethink the process of dowry payment and
examine if there is a realistic possibility to redeem dowry from its evil to an
unsullied and acceptable form?
Traditionally,
dowry is the “Money, property, or material goods that a bride's family gives to
the bridegroom or his family at the time of the wedding. In many cultures, the
dowry not only helps to cement the relationship between the bride's and groom's
families but also serves to reinforce traditional family roles and gender
roles.”2
Dowry is a
legal abomination in India, “Payment of dowry is now prohibited under the Dowry
Prohibition Act, 1961 in Indian civil law and subsequently by Sections 304B and
498a of the Indian Penal Code (IPC). Despite anti-dowry laws in India, it is
still a common illegal practice. Other laws attempting to address the problem
include the Dowry and Bridal Gifts Restrictions Rules, 1976 and the Dowry
Prohibition (Maintenance of Lists of Presents to the Bride and Bridegroom)
Rules, 1985, which are intended to document gifts and provide complainants with
stronger evidence in the event that prosecution for crimes against the bride
occurs later.”3
Dowry transcends
religion. Payment of dowry is practiced by people from all religions - Christians,
Muslims, Hindus included. When we discuss the theme of dowry from a Christian
perspective, we often find genuine and well meaning Christians opposing dowry.
This is an acceptable response for the dowry system has the innate potency to
be evil.
The
challenge ahead of us is to examine whether this system can be redeemed or not.
In other words, is there anything positive about the dowry system, and if so,
can we redeem dowry from the clutches of evil to a more beneficial form?
Contemporary Prevalence
Dowry system
is widespread in Asian countries that include the Arab world. In the Arab
culture, the groom offers dowry to the bride, whereas in the Asian cultures,
the bride offers dowry to the groom.
In its most
evil form, the dowry system transforms marriages into a business of extortion
and demeans the value of women so much so that women are victims of unbridled violence.
Biblical Relevance
Dowry was a
prevalent exercise in the Old Testament period. Genesis 29 records the
narrative of Jacob, being in love with Rachel, offered to work seven years for
Rachel’s father Laban, in exchange for her hand in marriage, “Now Jacob loved
Rachel, so he said, “I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter
Rachel.” Laban said, “It is better that I give her to you than to give her to
another man; stay with me.” So Jacob served seven years for Rachel and they
seemed to him but a few days because of his love for her.” (Genesis 29: 18-20,
NASB).
The Bible provides
other references for dowry from a neutral perspective. This is not to say that the
Bible endorses payment of dowry with a further implication that the Bible endorses
evil caused by dowry.
Understanding Parents’
Psyche
For a
moment, discard all negative aspersions that enfold the dowry system.
Parents who
offer their daughter in marriage would necessarily and voluntarily love to give
good gifts to their daughter depending on their affordability. This is to ensure
that their daughter lives a comfortable married life.
But giving
of good gifts to their daughter is strictly predicated on parents’ affordability.
(There is no need whatsoever for a parent to incur debts that they cannot pay
off to give good gifts to their children during their marriage.)
Parents giving
their sons in marriage would give good gifts to their son. There need not be
any differentiation built into the dowry system on the basis of gender. In
other words, parents can give good gifts to both their sons and daughters
depending on the need, affordability, but without any partiality. To reiterate,
any well meaning parent would love to offer these gifts out of love and their
own volition.
What kind
of a parent would not pave way for their children to live a good life? It would
take a very evil parent to horde wealth and not give gifts or share their
wealth with their children. It is their children who would, or shall we say,
should, enjoy the good benefits of the parents’ labor.
In fact, if
children would inherit parent’s wealth, then what prevents parents from giving
their children good gifts? So any well meaning parent would love to give their
children all the good gifts within their means during and after their children’s
marriage.
Dowry’s Biblical Foundation
If we are to consider redeeming
dowry from the clutches of evil, we should understand the driving force behind
this evil.
Wealth is at
the core of dowry. Very often, we are slaves to money. We are also often slaves
to the comfort that wealth offers.
So wealth should
be relegated to its proper place with respect to God. The Bible makes it abundantly
clear that wealth is antagonistic to God, “You cannot serve God and wealth.” (Matthew 6: 24b, NASB). The Bible also teaches that we are to strive
for God than for wealth (Matthew 6:33; Cf. Matthew 4:4).
Therefore,
when dowry is being considered, both parties (bride and groom) ought only to consider
dowry from a godly perspective. In other words, dowry is not about wealth but about
God.
Dowry Predicated On Love
God
mandates parents to love their children. Parents are to love their children
impartially and equally. So giving of good gifts during marriage a.k.a. dowry
is an entailment of parents’ love for their children.
If there is
more than one child in a household, then parents’ love for their children ought
to be impartial (the girl is to be equally loved as the boy or the vice versa
and if there are two or more boys or girls in the family, the parents should
love them equally.). When either of the children (boy or girl) is being given
in marriage, the parents are free to do their best according to their
affordability and to their children’s welfare.
In other
words, nothing can impede parents’ love for their children that entails giving
of good gifts to their children for their marriage. Alternatively, parents cannot
be held guilty, if they are genuinely unable to provide for their children’s marriage
(owing to poverty).
However, demand
of dowry in any form and violence of any kind on behalf of dowry (non-payment)
is an abomination in God’s sight.
Absolute Condemnation
Of Dowry Incompatible With The Bible
The term “absolute”
is used (in this context) in the sense of “complete” or “outright.” Churches or
pastors cannot condemn dowry totally. In other words, the Bible provides a means
to offer dowry but without any evil or sin defiling it.
But due
cognizance is offered to the evil prevalent in the dowry system. Hence there is
no endorsement of evil within the dowry system.
This also
goes without saying that churches and pastors cannot univocally condemn dowry
as if there is no provision whatsoever for the parent to give good gifts to their
children for their marriage.
An absolute
or total condemnation of dowry, devoid of any latitude for parents to exhibit
their love for their children during their marriage through giving of good
gifts, is equivalent to condemning parents’ love for their children. Churches
and pastors should not take this course of action. Instead proper biblical teaching
about dowry is the need of the hour.
Conclusion
We find security in God and not in
wealth. It is God who makes us wealthy. We could be wealthy now, but if
catastrophe were to assault us, we could lose all our wealth in a moment. But
if we are with God and if we remain in Christ, nothing can separate us from God.
God is everlasting; wealth is fleeting. So we need to train ourselves and our
children to focus on God and not on money. Payment of dowry cannot offer us
security, only God can.
Christians who
truly find their security in God would never ever demand dowry. Christians, who
truly love God, will love their children and offer them good gifts during their
marriage. There is nothing inappropriate or sinful when parents offer good
gifts to their children.
May God
rule us. May we not be ruled by greed or love for money.
Endnotes:
1Vijay TV’s TalkShow, Neeya Naana, aired on 19th
March 2017, entitled “Mother Where’s My Dowry?”
2http://www.dictionary.com/browse/dowry?s=t
3https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dowry#Violence_against_women_and_international_perspectives
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