Are Mothers More Important Than Fathers? A Biblical Perspective

 

I recently watched some famous basketball players reflect on their mothers during Mother’s Day. The stories followed a similar theme: these men were raised by single mothers living in deep poverty, yet their mothers somehow made it work. Today, those players are millionaires—if not more.

This made me wonder: are mothers more crucial to a family’s well-being?

I manage a WhatsApp channel, and I posted a poll there asking whether mothers are more important than fathers. Surprisingly, fathers won the poll!

Then I decided to seek wisdom from the Bible.

The Role of a Father

A father in a Christian family has a clearly defined role:¹

• To be the head of the household, marked by love and sacrificial leadership, as Christ leads the church (Eph. 5:23).
• To foster the spiritual growth of his children (Eph. 6:4).
• To provide for the family’s physical needs (1 Tim. 5:8).

From a practical standpoint, God has designed fathers to have a unique and powerful influence on their families:²

• A father’s strength can be a source of protection.
• His words can inspire and motivate.
• His hugs can offer deep comfort.
• His smile can instill joy and confidence.
• His presence can make time fun and productive.
• His physicality can offer healthy challenge.
• His guidance can be life-changing and foundational.
• His correction can be life-saving and life-giving.
• Adventures with him can be exciting and memorable.

The Role of a Mother

A godly mother either possesses or develops the following qualities:³

• Speaks kindly (Prov. 31:26)
• Is nurturing (1 Thess. 2:7–8)
• Is loving (1 Cor. 13:4–5)
• Is patient (Col. 3:12)
• Is wise (Prov. 1:8–9)
• Works hard (Prov. 31:27)
• Is humble (James 4:6)
• Is faithful (Deut. 6:5–7)
• Is compassionate (2 Cor. 1:3–4)

According to Barna research, mothers tend to excel in the following areas:⁴

• Providing spiritual guidance and encouragement
• Engaging in conversations about faith, the Bible, sex, and any concerns children may have
• Supporting their children with encouragement, advice, and empathy

The Complexities of Single Parenthood

But what about single parents?

In a single-parent household, who is more effective—the father or the mother?

The truth is, neither can fully replace the other. Each has a unique, God-given role. However, a key factor for a successful single-parent household is the time and attention the parent can give to the children.

From a practical standpoint, especially when it comes to homemaking and childcare, it’s often more difficult for a single father to manage everything alone. In contrast, a single mother may find it somewhat easier to handle these responsibilities.

To conclude, the best foundation for any family, whether led by two parents or one, is complete dependence on God. A family rooted in Christ will always be better off than one that isn't.

 

Endnotes:

¹https://biblehub.com/topical/t/the_father_and_mother.htm

²https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/fathers-matter-the-importance-of-a-father/

³https://therapyforchristians.com/blog/characteristics-of-a-good-mother-in-the-bible

⁴https://www.barna.com/research/moms-christians-households/ 

Thank You, Margie Zacharias!

            Ravi Zacharias may have been an apologist, evangelist, or a mentor to you, but to me, he was my virtual pastor. Ravi’s sermons will always be a joy to listen to. He was a fascinating preacher. He faithfully preached Christ Crucified.

            I know Ravi, but Ravi does not know me.

            My initial foray into apologetics was through RZIM India. Then, I learned more about apologetics from the Southern Evangelical Seminary.¹ Ravi has now passed on, but he will continue to teach me apologetics. Ravi’s work still remains accessible on the internet to every hungry mind.

            Thank you, Ravi!

            I have wondered how God enabled Ravi’s powerful ministry to you and me!

            It was only after Ravi’s passing that I realized his ministry would have been impossible without Margie’s (Ravi’s wife of 48-years) presence in Ravi’s life. This is certain.

            When I read Ravi’s obituary message touchingly written by his daughter Sarah, the mention of Margie loomed large on me, “Ravi and Margie just celebrated their 48th wedding anniversary. My mother was entirely committed to my dad’s calling and to this ministry, believing God called them together. I cannot recall even one moment when I saw her commitment to this calling weaken, because she always placed unwavering trust in the God who called them and in His purposes.” [Emphasis Mine].²

            Naomi Zacharias, Ravi’s daughter, remarked there would have been no Ravi without Margie, “Mom, to honor Dad is to honor you. He would not have been who he was without your belief and support. He was a part of your calling – a beautiful part of it…” [Emphasis Mine].³

            Ravi also knew that his ministry would have been impossible without Margie. Ravi’s sister-in-law Barbara Reynolds emphasized this during Ravi’s memorial, “…He talked about his deep love for Margie and how when he chose her, he had chosen wisely; that without her, he never could have accomplished what he was able to do.” [Emphasis Mine].⁴

            Margie could have very well demanded Ravi’s greater presence in her life.

            So I thank God for Margie’s sacrificial life that enabled Ravi to travel 200+ days in a year for the sake of ministry. Margie sacrificed Ravi’s precious presence with her and the children to enable his precious presence in your life and mine.

            I thank God Margie did not seek visibility through Ravi’s highly visible and celebrated ministry.

            Think of one dreadful consequence for a moment.

            Had Margie sought to be as visible as Ravi, she could have ensured her travel with Ravi during most of his ministry. That may have robbed Ravi’s household of Margie’s invaluable presence nurturing their children.

            Ramesh Zacharias, Ravi’s brother, emphasized Margie’s monumental and valuable presence in Ravi’s life, “While Ravi travelled almost 200 days a year his amazing wife Margie of 48 years raised 3 beautiful children – Sarah, Naomi, and Nathan. So Margie, on behalf of RZIM, we want to thank you for all that you have done for the ministry. But more importantly Margie, thank you for sharing Ravi with the world.” [Emphasis Mine].⁵  

            God, through Margie’s supreme sacrifice, enabled Ravi’s ministry.

            Thank you very much, Margie! This I say from the bottom of my heart.

            Margie, you are an amazing testimony to every wife whose husband is called to serve Christ. I pray all Christian wives, whose husbands are called to serve God, would learn from your life. Thus, I pray that God’s servants would overcome Satan’s vicious attack on Christian families especially upon those who seek to serve God.

            Last but not the least, I thank God for blessing the Zacharias household with the hedge of protection (cf. Job 1:10) that enabled his powerful ministry to the seeking millions.

            Thank you Jesus for Ravi and Margie!

Endnotes:

¹https://ses.edu/

²https://www.facebook.com/RZIMfb/posts/10157796726026284

³https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBZxZG9nkC0 (Starting at 1:41:07).

⁴Ibid., (Starting 1:17:39).

⁵Ibid., (Starting at 1:10:45).

Websites last accessed on 31^st May 2020.

Marriages Made In Heaven? What Happens If You Do Not Marry The Person of God’s Choice?

            The question “Are marriages made in heaven?” is akin to asking “Does God bring the right person for marriage into the life of a Christian?” or “Does God create two people (man and woman) specifically for each other?”

            The Bible suggests that God brings the right person into the lives of Christians for the purpose of marriage. The first marriage between Adam and Eve and Isaac’s marriage to Rebecca was ordained by God (Genesis 24). Proverbs 19:14 indicates God’s activity in bringing the right person into the life of a Christian for marriage, “…a congenial spouse comes straight from God.” (MSG). Matthew 19: 6 also suggests that God ordains a Christian marriage from the perspective that HE brings the right person to the Christian for marriage.

            Although God may choose the right person for us to marry, is it not possible for imperfect humans to disregard God’s choice for our own? Young Christian men and women seeking God’s will for their marriage (that God would show the person HE has chosen for them) is a common sight in the God-fearing stratum of Christendom. But how many Christians marry the person God has chosen for them?

            Building selfish preconditions into our marriage invariably purges God from our marriage equation. God, who commanded prophet Hosea to marry the adulterous Gomer, cannot be limited to our convenient whims and fancies.

            A mere glance into the selfish thoughts and plans driving the Christian marriages in the Indian subcontinent is an adequate proof of our whimsical convenience that eliminates God from the marriage preparations. Christians, in India, seek to marry people from their own caste or clan (e.g. same language groups). Casteism is man-made and is abhorrent in God’s sight. So God would not sternly command a man to marry a woman from within his own caste.

            There are those Christians, within and outside the Indian subcontinent, who seek to marry the affluent or the well educated. Other Christians seek educational harmony for marriage - a software engineer seeking to marry another software engineer or a doctor seeking to marry another doctor. Few Christians seek to marry only the beautiful / handsome member of the opposite sex. This list could go on and on.

            When our cozy and convenient preconditions determine our choice of spouse, God disappears from our marriage equation.

            Consider this theme from another vantage point. Do long-lasting and joyous Christian marriages imply a rigorous obedience to God’s choice of the marriage partners? If you think so, then I beg to differ. Why?

            Reflect on the non-Christian marriages that are happy and long-lasting. Obviously they neither sought nor obeyed the God of the Bible while choosing their spouse. Hence I conclude that the presence of happy and long-lasting non-Christian marriages provides adequate proof that all happy and long-lasting Christian marriages need NOT necessarily be a consequence of a righteous and a rigorous obedience to God.

            Then there is the tragic element of “drama or performance” in Christian marriages. There are Christian marriages that falsely portray an image of a godly or a loving union to their audience.

            Some Christian couples constantly quarrel for all things big and small. There are those who have not shared a same bedroom for years or decades! A few Christian couples do not love their spouse truly, but robotically live out their marriage for the sake of their children or for the sake of their reputation in the church / workplace / society. Without an iota of doubt, fraudulent Christian marriages exist in Christendom.

            The question we should ask is, “would God have architected such a fraudulent Christian marriage?” No!

            God desires that the husband love his wife and the wife submits to her husband. This is the Christian paradigm for marriage. Hence, God would not have architected a Christian marriage where love and submission are entirely missing.

            So to recap:

1. God brings the right person for marriage into the life of a Christian.

2. Sinful man’s imperfection could disregard God’s choice of spouse for his/her marriage.

2.1. Existence of happy and long-lasting Christian marriages need not necessarily indicate obedience to God’s choice of spouse.

2.2. Existence of fraudulent Christian marriages reveal man’s disregard of God’s choice of spouse for his marriage.

            The possibility of Christians disregarding God’s choice of spouse is overwhelming. Yet if a Christian married a person of God’s choice, it is still uncertain that their marriage would be innately joyous and without any trace of squabbles.

            Why?

            Imperfection of man and the possibility of devil’s attack on a Christian marriage could lead to instability. The [imperfect] husband and the wife, despite obeying God, need not be immune to Satan’s lure and temptations.

            The date and time of devil’s assault upon a Christian marriage will not be stated. Hence, Christian marriages cannot be so smug about its apparent stability.

            Presence of one spiritually weak partner in the Christian marriage is the perfect recipe for the devil to feast on the Christian marriage. The devil will manipulate and devour the weak link to ruin a Christian marriage.

            Yet if God’s protective hedge is upon a Christian marriage so to prevent the devil looting the Christian sanity from it, the possibility of man’s freewill usurping the stability of the marriage is plausible.

            Consider our present context that demands the employment of both the husband and the wife in a majority of urban Christian households. In such as situation, a Christian marriage would crumble if one partner transmits the anger and disappointment from their respective workplace into their marriage.

            Notwithstanding the devil and man’s freewill, it is normatively sufficient for a marriage to crumble because of an imperfect upbringing of either of the partners in the marriage. Consider the case of “anxious attachment” that causes jealousy and unduly worry in a partner that potentially leads to the demise of a marriage, “Anxious attachment is a way of describing the way some people connect with others — especially emotionally significant others — in their lives,” said Leslie Becker-Phelps, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and speaker. Individuals with an anxious attachment believe they’re flawed, inadequate and unworthy of love, she said.

            Our attachment styles develop in infancy. Some infants perceive their parents as inconsistently available, which distressed them (understandably so, “children need their caregivers for their very survival”).

            When kids become distressed, their parents may give them extra attention. These kids also may receive attention when they meet others’ needs.

            Over time, “they develop a characteristic sense of feeling needy for attention and needing others to help soothe them,” said Becker-Phelps, author of Insecure in Love: How Anxious Attachment Can Make You Feel Jealous, Needy, and Worried and What You Can Do About It.

            Kids with an anxious attachment grow up to believe they need to earn others’ support and attention because they’re essentially flawed, she said. They believe they aren’t loved for themselves, but for what they do for others or how they respond to their needs.

            Naturally, such beliefs negatively affect their relationships. Anxiously attached individuals are often self-critical and regularly question themselves, which “can be tiring to friends and loved ones who try to be supportive.”

            They also cling to their relationships and get jealous easily. They expect others to leave them because, inevitably, they believe they’re going to disappoint others, said Becker-Phelps.”¹

            The writing on the wall is this; the Lord Jesus said, “Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6: 34c, NASB). So disagreements and troubles will be an inherent part of a Christian marriage whether the couple obeyed God or not.

            This is not an imperative to not seek God’s will in your marriage. But God’s will should be sought while choosing the spouse and married couples should constantly seek God to keep their marriages safe and alive.

            If you doubt whether you married the person of God’s choice, do not fret or fear. You can still make your marriage a success, if you both seek the Lord fervently. If your marriage is treading stormy waters, do not worry, but remain prayerfully steadfast in the Lord, who alone has the power to calm the storm.

Endnotes:

¹https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/08/02/when-you-regularly-feel-insecure-in-your-relationship/, last accessed on 2^nd March 2017. 

Are Godless Parents Better Than Christian Parents?

            Oh how some people passionately assault Christianity using any and every opportunity! In an op-ed piece authored by Tracy Moore and published online by Jezebel, albeit a year ago, Christianity was eagerly attacked.

            Deploying parenting as a premise, the author’s explicit assault was against God. She deployed the research data that godless homes nurture good children to explicitly assert the existence of morality independent of God and implicitly deny God’s existence.  

            Haven’t God and Christianity been constantly assaulted? So what’s new!

            Apart from the attack against God, this op-ed piece implies that Christian parents raise their children to be intolerant, racists and sexists, “Parents who raise their kids without religion are doing just fine, studies say, possibly even better. Overall, not believing in God seems to make people and their offspring more tolerant. Less racist. Less sexist. Enviro-friendly. And their kids care less about what's cool, which—say it with me—only makes them cooler.” (Emphasis Mine).  

            If my children fight against sins, for instance, if my children’s tirade against homosexual practice renders them as intolerant, then so be it. I prefer to be a proud parent of a child who fights against sins of all forms and sizes than not.

            But the Bible does not endorse racism or sexism. Certain passages in the Bible may insinuate racism or sexism, but, in essence, they are not. These verses could be clarified reasonably and adequately.

            Tracy’s op-ed piece creates a false dichotomy in parenting – godly and godless parenting – from within the context of morality. Since God exists necessarily, my argument to establish the false dichotomy presupposes God’s existence. (Proving God’s existence is beyond the scope of this article.)

            Men and women are created in the image of God. This does not effectively mean that only those who believe in the God of the Bible retain God’s image and the unbeliever does not retain God’s image. Even a godless man, a man who denies God’s existence, is created in the image of God. Whether the unbelieving man realizes or not, whether he accepts or not, he is indeed made in the image of God.

            Within the context of morality, man, who is created in the image of God, is innately inclined to do that which is good, because God is good. (Although evil exists in this world, our world is predominantly good.)

            A man, who rejects God’s existence, since he is made in God’s image, will innately do good. Therefore, since God’s image is firmly implanted in man – in both the believing and the unbelieving man – “Godless parenting” is an incorrect notion.

            Tracy Moore, in her op-ed piece, implies the failure of Christian parenting. This is not a ridiculous notion, for if we understand Tracy Moore’s argument from within the Christian perspective, we would partly agree with her. Allow me to elaborate.

            Because man sinned against God in the Garden of Eden, he cannot be perfect in doing good.  While a Christian’s innate inclination is to do good, he could sin because of Satan, who tempts him to sin.

            Satan has more reasons to attack a Christian than a non-Christian (cf. 1 Peter 5: 8-9). A non-Christian is already alienated from God, so Satan need not have any significant interest in attacking this man, unless this man could be an agent of greater evil e.g. Hitler, Stalin etc.

            Satan takes pleasure in attacking Christians who love the Lord dearly, who strive for righteousness, and who promote the rule of God on earth as it is in heaven (cf. Job 1:6-12; 2:3-6). Because the Apostle Paul served the Lord Jesus diligently with all his life, he was known by Satan and his entourage (Acts 19:15).

            Christian families are often a victim of Satan’s assault. This notion is not inconsistent with the Bible, “From now on there will be five in one family divided against each other, three against two and two against three. They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.” (Luke 12: 52-53, NIV).

            However, this assault of Satan against Christian families need not be permanent, for Christian families would overcome Satan’s ploys by the power of God over a period of time. This is precisely the reason why we could partly agree with Tracy Moore that Christian parenting could fail.

            We partly agree with Tracy because Tracy spoke from an atheistic perspective, whereas we speak from a strictly conservative perspective of Historic Christianity.

            Christians could err. Christian parents could err. This is an acceptable existential reality.

            Christians are not an embodiment of perfection. While we march towards Christlikeness in our life, let us remember that we will only be perfect when we meet God face to face in heaven. While we live our life in this side of heaven, a genuine Christian strives to live a godly life. In other words, he will strive for perfection in all facets of his life.

            Why do Christians strive for moral perfection? To harmonize with God, says C.S Lewis in his discussion on Christian behavior, “People often think of Christian morality as a kind of bargain in which God says, ‘If you keep a lot of rules I’ll reward you, and if you don’t I’ll do the other thing.’ I don’t think that is the best way of looking at it. I’d much rather say that every time you make a choice you are turning the central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different from what it was before. And taking your life as a whole, with all your innumerable choices, all your life long you are slowly turning this central thing either into a heavenly creature or into a hellish creature: either into a creature that is in harmony with God, and with other creatures, and with itself, or else into one that is in a state of war and hatred with God, and with its fellow-creatures, and with itself. To be the one kind of creature is heaven; that is, it is joy and peace and knowledge and power. To be the other means madness, horror, idiocy, rage, impotence, and eternal loneliness. Each of us at each moment is progressing to the one state or the other.”

            Christians’ striving for moral perfection is a derivative of their remaining in Christ. When we desire to live right, God enables us to live right. When we strive to live right, God’s abundant blessings are always upon us – the greatest blessing of which is to live in harmony with God.

            Herein lies the distinct advantage for a Christian home over a non-Christian home. Irrespective of our parenting techniques, we enjoy, very minimally, two inherent advantages by virtue of our faith in Christ.

            First, even though we could err, God will be with us during our time of pain and suffering. He will transform our situation and heal the brokenness of our heart and that of our family. All we need to do is to remain in Christ, strive to do that which is right, and wait on God with faith, hope and patience. Time is not the criteria when it comes to fixing brokenness, but God will help us in our moments of pain and suffering. This is certain.

            Last but not the least; a Christian’s eternity is secure. When it is time for us to pass on from this world, we are sure to inherit a blissful heavenly dwelling with God, HIS angels and all those who believe in the Lord Jesus Christ.

Endnotes:

Tracy Moore’s op-ed piece can be accessed at http://jezebel.com/godless-parents-are-doing-a-better-job-1682844001