The Bible
mandates Christians to not engage in any sexual activity with the
person of opposite sex, before marriage. But Christians are as imperfect as
anyone, so it is quite possible that someone somewhere would engage in
premarital sex. The question then is this, “What are the consequences for
Christians if they engage in sex before marriage?”
This
powerful “sticky note” analogy depicts the damage inflicted upon the Christian
during his/her casual sex escapades, “Casual sex is rampant in many societies.
There is, in truth, no such thing as “casual” sex, because of the depth of
intimacy involved in the sexual relationship. An analogy is instructive here.
If we take a sticky note and attach it to a piece of paper, it will adhere. If
we remove it, it will leave behind a small amount of residue; the longer it
remains, the more residue is left. If we take that note and stick it to several
places repeatedly, it will leave residue everywhere we stick it, and it will
eventually lose its ability to adhere to anything. This is much like what
happens to us when we engage in “casual” sex. Each time we leave a sexual
relationship, we leave a part of ourselves behind. The longer the relationship
has gone on, the more we leave behind, and the more we lose of ourselves. As we go from partner to partner, we
continue to lose a tiny bit of ourselves each time, and eventually we may lose
our ability to form a lasting sexual relationship at all. The sexual
relationship is so strong and so intimate that we cannot enter into it
casually, no matter how easy it might seem.” (Emphasis Mine).1
There are secular
studies that speak against premarital sex. They reveal the likelihood of
greater divorce rates and adverse health related behaviors for those who engage in premarital
sex.
Recent research
reveals that students who had NO sexual
contacts are out of harm's way than those who have had sexual contacts, “A
new report from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control (CDC), the first ever of
its kind, examines a large and diverse array of high school students’ health
behaviors according to their self-reported sexual activity…The report’s two
major conclusions are quite stark: The virginal students rate significantly and
consistently better in nearly all health-related behaviors and measures than
their sexually active peers…”2
Women who had NO sex partners before
marriage are highly unlikely to divorce, “That women who married in the
2000s were least likely to divorce if they had no sex partners before marriage,
at a rate of approximately 6 percent. That’s almost divorce-proof. Even just
one sex partner before marriage moved up a woman’s chances of divorce within
five years of marriage to one in five chances, at a 20 percent rate.”3
Presence of
secular studies arguing against sex before marriage is a bonus. But for a
Christian, God and HIS Word are of utmost value than any pertinent information
presented by secular research (either for or against).
The Bible
mandates Christians to not engage in sex before marriage (Exodus 22:16-17; Deuteronomy
22:28-29; Matthew 19:5; Mark 10: 7; 1 Corinthians 6: 12-20; Ephesians 5:3;
Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Hebrews 13:4 et al.). So premarital sex is
a definite no-no for a Christian.
In their
work, Purity Under Pressure, Neil T. Anderson and Dave Park emphasize the
following consequences for premarital sex from the Christian standpoint. Here
is an excerpt from their work:4
Sex before
marriage has the potential for STDs (Sexually
Transmitted Diseases), pregnancy and abortion, which are despicable in God’s sight.
Self-destructive
behavior - As a Christian, when
you engage in premarital sex, you are consciously sinning against God. This can lead to a perpetual cycle of
self-destruction. You develop low
self-esteem, low self-worth, and diminished expectations of yourself. In many cases, the devastation that comes
from giving a holy thing (your body, the temple of the Holy Spirit) to an
unholy cause, (physical gratification outside of marriage) will lead to
feelings of emptiness, embarrassment, and confusion. You begin to question everything about
yourself and the world, as you know it…Many students’ grades drop and they lose
interest in things that they once enjoyed…
You develop “soul ties” - Your soul joins with the soul or
souls of those you have had sex. We will
call these “soul ties,” because your soul is actually being tied or entangled
together with the soul of the person you had sex. Think of it this way, when you get on an
airplane you are usually allowed a piece of carry on luggage to keep items you
will need during the flight accessible.
Soul ties can be considered carry-on luggage. It is unwanted, hindering, emotionally
draining baggage that attaches itself to your soul everytime you sexually
involve yourself with someone outside of marriage…
You get involved with the wrong crowd-
1 Corinthians 15:33 says, “bad company corrupts good morals.” Don’t fool
yourself into thinking that you can hang around sexually active people who
drink and not be influenced by their actions.
Bad reputation - The word is out. You have
had sex. You quickly get labeled “easy,”
“loose,” or “a sure bet.”
Insecurity / Loss of trust - You become jealous and begin comparing
your body to other girls’ bodies. You
are always worried some other girl will steal your boyfriend from you. Life becomes very stressful. You don’t even
trust yourself to do right and control your own body, how can you trust someone
else? After having sex I was a
wreck. Whenever I would go out with my
boyfriend I would accuse him of starring at other girls. Though at times he was looking, many times I
was just overreacting out of insecurity.
Object of Rumors/Gossip - Many
times pre-marital sex causes you to become the subject of rumors. “Did you hear about so and so?” “I heard they did this and that on the corner
of here and there.” Who needs that
drama? You certainly don’t.
Emotionally Unstable (a.k.a. Fatal
Attraction) - You develop irrational
responses to ordinary situations.
Crying, fear, stress, depression, apathy, isolation, and hopelessness
crowd your mind and cause your emotional growth to be stifled. You have no clue what you want anymore. One minute you are in love, the next minute
you are disgusted by the very sound of his voice.
So to
conclude, here’s what Christians ought to do if they have lost their virginity
before marriage, “…is there hope? When a Christian engages in premarital sex,
or when one who has lost his/her virginity comes to Christ, the Holy Spirit
will convict of the sin, and there will be grief over it. However, it’s
important—even vital—to remember that there is no sin beyond the reach of the
blood of Jesus. If we confess, He will not only forgive, but will cleanse us
from “all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). Furthermore, in addition to the
forgiveness (which is in itself glorious), God restores. Joel 2:25 tells us
that God is able to restore the years that the locust has eaten, and that’s
what premarital sex is—a locust that consumes our sense of self, our
self-esteem, and our perception of forgiveness. Scripture also tells us that,
when we come to Christ, we are new creations (2 Corinthians 5:17), so one who
engaged in premarital sex prior to conversion is recreated by God into a new
person; the old is gone, the new has come.
Finally, we
know that, as Christians, we’re being renewed by the Holy Spirit each day we
walk with Jesus. Colossians 3:10 tells us that our new self is being renewed
day by day after the image of its Creator. There is no sin without hope. The
power of the gospel is available to all who trust in Jesus for forgiveness.”5
Endnotes:
1https://www.gotquestions.org/premarital-sex.html
2http://thefederalist.com/2016/11/29/cdc-study-says-teen-virgins-healthier/
3http://thefederalist.com/2016/06/06/report-to-divorce-proof-yourself-dont-have-premarital-sex/
4https://purityunderpressure.com/purity-under-pressure-book/
5https://www.gotquestions.org/premarital-sex.html
